As a christian, I haven't been living the way I should. I have recently experienced things in my life that have brought me closer to God than I have ever been. It is usually during the low points in life when we, as christians, truly seek God. I have had no other choice. I have tried to ignore God long enough, and my life has reflected that, so I started reading my bible. And as I have grown closer and allowed God the opportunity to work in my life, he has done exactly that. I was praying the other night that he would show me his will. That he would somehow prove himself to me (which I realize is probably not what I should be praying). But as a human I needed physical evidence, my faith is weak, and I needed reassurance. It was after that prayer that I felt an overwhelming need to start reflecting everyday how God is working in my life. With computers being so accessible, I decided to blog. Everyday for one year. If you are reading this that is perfectly fine, but these entries are written for me as a way to see God's ablity to work in my life more abundantly than I have ever given him credit for. I also feel like blogging will hold me accountable. So here goes....
As christains God calls us to be set apart, the salt of the earth, a light in a dark place, however, sometimes it takes "hard times" to remember what we are supposed to be doing. It takes struggles and heart ache to cling tightly to God and focus our eyes on what is most important. I am a christian but sadly my daily walk hasn't really shown it. I have relied on my own abilities, which is why I have ended up where I am. I have decided what I wanted without even considering what God has planned for me. My prayers have been dishonest and unwilling to listen. Instead of praying for God's will, I have insisted and begged him to just mold his will around what I want. I am 24. I am living with my parents while I finish graduate school, and I am single. With the social pressures of today's society I have found myself desperate for a husband, feeling like a failure, and wondering when it will be my time. About a year and a half ago I met a man who quickly turned into who I thought would be my husband. I was ecstatic and ready to plan a wedding. I look back now and realize I fell in love with an idea of the "happily ever after." I never asked God. I had picked what I wanted, and that was that. As that relationship began to fall apart, I desperately clung to what I thought was my only chance for the life every girl dreams about. But now I know that satan lies and brings us down and although that man was a good man, he wasn't who God had planned for me, and I had to learn the heart breaking hard way. Before I decided to cling to God in everything I do, I would often feel as though I was a failure, hopeless, desperate, scared, worried, anxious and defeated. But in just a short time of being truly diligent in reading God's word and praying to him without seasing, I am reminded of his promises, and I know he is going to fulfill them in my life.
2 Timothy 1:7 says:
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind.
Fear is not of God, so I can only assume that I am in the midst of a spiritual warfare over the thoughts that I allow to stay in my mind. Satan knows I am vulnerable, and he is determined that I will be anxious and nervous and fearful, but I know God's promises, and I know he does not want me to fear. He wants me to praise him and have faith that he will fulfill his perfect will in my life.
John 10:10 says:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
I can rest easy knowing God wants me to live abundantly. He wants me to have faith that he is ABLE!!! He will not leave me, and I just have to continue to diligently cling to him in every aspect of my life.
Today I have been praying this prayer:
Ephesians 3:14-21
14 For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, 18 may have the power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurabley more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generation, for ever and ever! AMEN!
I say this prayer and replace "you" with "me". I know this to be truth, and I have faith that God will fulfill his promises.
It hasn't even been a week since we broke up, but I can tell that God is granting me the peace and solace that I have been praying for. I am sad, but I am often distracted from that sadness due to the overwhelming excitement for what I know God has in store for me. I have to praise God for my mom. She is an amazingly wise woman who has prayed for me and my future since she found out I was in her belly. She keeps telling me that God will "put my dreams to shame." Her faith has been such an encouragement to me, and I know that I have so much to look forward to.
Everyday I am going to give up one thing for God. Today I am not going to check my facebook. I spend too much time on it anyway.
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