I have serious control issues. I need to know when, where, why, how... and I need to know now. For a very long time I have depended on myself to achieve the things I "THOUGHT" I wanted. Let me just say, I was a wreck. That is a lot of pressure. I want a lot of things! I sought my own discernment when looking for a husband, and I failed miserably. I had overwhelming amounts of anxiety, worry, fear and hopelessness, and it was because I was looking to my own abilities to find hope and peace. I have always believed in God. I know who He is, what He has done, and I love him. But when it has comes to my own life, I wasn't really concerned about what he had planned because I already had a plan. I didn't really ask him for any of the things that I truly desired because I could get it on my own, and you know... He has things to do. I didn't have a faith that reflected how able my God is to blow any plans I have for myself out of the water. It wasn't until "my plans" blew up in my face that I realized that maybe... just maybe... I am doing this all wrong.
It is hard for me to truly accept how much my God loves me. I forget that the things I often worry about (even though they can be petty and minute) are important to my God, too! He wants me to be happy, live prosperously, have peace, and live abundantly in all areas of my life. The only thing I have to do is trust that he will bring me through. However, satan would like us to think that we are silly, and simple, and the things that bear heavy on our hearts are the farthest thing from God's mind. But he is a liar. God wants give me the desires of my heart, I just have to give him the control.
Matthew 10:30
And even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
If he knows how many hairs I have on my head (Which seems of litte importance to me) don't you think he is going to be in control of things like... I don't know.. my future?
Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also along with him, graciously give us all things?
I feel like God is saying, "Danielle... haven't I proven my love for you enough? Why do you not belive that I will do great things in your life, why do you keep trying to do it yourself??? I promise I will come through for you. Just look what I have already invested in you. Chill out, I've got this."
It is funny, though, how much my desires have changed in the few days that I have been diligent in seeking his will, reading my bible, and praying. What used to be so important really isn't anymore. The things that I was afraid of and anxious about don't even cross my mind. When I am walking closely to God, I feel that my desires change to match his will for my life. Before I really cared about his plan for me, my desires and wants were things that I "THOUGHT" would be bring me so much happiness. Now I realize that I can have happiness, contentment, self-control right now because I am leaning on God to give it to me. I used to find myself just waiting for the next stage in life to feel fulfilled. You know.... "When I get a husband....then I'll be happy"... God has spoken to me through this bible study I am doing, and He has said, "Danielle... why wait!! Feel fulfilled now!" My time will come, and this stage of my life will be over soon enough, but I don't want to look back and think, "Wow, that was really great, I wish I would have appreciated it while I had it." God's plan is so great. I am at the edge of my seat, so excited about what is in store for me, and while on the journey I am enjoying to the fullest what he is giving me now.
So for now I cling to Micah 7:7
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME.
Today I want to praise God for his answered prayers. He has blessed me with peace and hope and fulfilled my faith in him. I no longer sit around wondering if my life will turn out ok. I KNOW it will because it already is, and He isn't stopping now.
Yesterday I gave up saying anything negative about anyone else. I had to really pray to God to carry me through on that one. Today I am going to give up any type of secular music. I am going to praise God all day, and I will especially praise him through music that lifts up his name in honor and glory!
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