I have to start being honest with myself. I created this blog for me. To watch how God proves his ability in my life. Sometimes I think I forget what all God has done for me, and I thought this would help me see how my life is constantly changing and being molded into something glorifying to God. However...after I started this blog I began to have insecurities about people maybe seeing it. I have really monitored what I have said, and I think that it totally voids the purpose of this blog when I do so. Therefore, I have decided to make my blog private and really pour out my true feelings.
I have been doing pretty good since my recent break-up. I have been sad at times thinking about fun things we had done together, but it never turned into tears because I could also remember all the nights I cried as well. Anytime I thought of "good times" I had 15 heart-breaking memories to go along with them. I knew it wasn't God's plan, and had peace about it. So I guess I could say I was really doing well. UNTIL yesterday. I don't know what was up. I couldn't sleep. I cried and cried and cried. I felt absolutely hopeless.
I still live at home!
I just broke up with my boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry!!
Now I have nobody!
I'll be living in this tiny, boring, sad little town forever!
I want a husband!!
I want my own family!
Is that a terrible thing to ask for? Is that being selfish?? That I want to share my life? That I DON'T want it to be all about me. I was struggling. And truth be told I still have those thoughts. Where is my husband?? But I woke up this morning, and I knew God was very close to me. He has been for a long time, I am just now able to recognize it. I know God will send him. I know it will be better than anything I could have ever created for myself, and I will rest easy knowing that. And until that day comes and even after, I am going to fix my eyes on God and trust him with my whole heart.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
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