I have serious control issues. I need to know when, where, why, how... and I need to know now. For a very long time I have depended on myself to achieve the things I "THOUGHT" I wanted. Let me just say, I was a wreck. That is a lot of pressure. I want a lot of things! I sought my own discernment when looking for a husband, and I failed miserably. I had overwhelming amounts of anxiety, worry, fear and hopelessness, and it was because I was looking to my own abilities to find hope and peace. I have always believed in God. I know who He is, what He has done, and I love him. But when it has comes to my own life, I wasn't really concerned about what he had planned because I already had a plan. I didn't really ask him for any of the things that I truly desired because I could get it on my own, and you know... He has things to do. I didn't have a faith that reflected how able my God is to blow any plans I have for myself out of the water. It wasn't until "my plans" blew up in my face that I realized that maybe... just maybe... I am doing this all wrong.
It is hard for me to truly accept how much my God loves me. I forget that the things I often worry about (even though they can be petty and minute) are important to my God, too! He wants me to be happy, live prosperously, have peace, and live abundantly in all areas of my life. The only thing I have to do is trust that he will bring me through. However, satan would like us to think that we are silly, and simple, and the things that bear heavy on our hearts are the farthest thing from God's mind. But he is a liar. God wants give me the desires of my heart, I just have to give him the control.
Matthew 10:30
And even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
If he knows how many hairs I have on my head (Which seems of litte importance to me) don't you think he is going to be in control of things like... I don't know.. my future?
Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also along with him, graciously give us all things?
I feel like God is saying, "Danielle... haven't I proven my love for you enough? Why do you not belive that I will do great things in your life, why do you keep trying to do it yourself??? I promise I will come through for you. Just look what I have already invested in you. Chill out, I've got this."
It is funny, though, how much my desires have changed in the few days that I have been diligent in seeking his will, reading my bible, and praying. What used to be so important really isn't anymore. The things that I was afraid of and anxious about don't even cross my mind. When I am walking closely to God, I feel that my desires change to match his will for my life. Before I really cared about his plan for me, my desires and wants were things that I "THOUGHT" would be bring me so much happiness. Now I realize that I can have happiness, contentment, self-control right now because I am leaning on God to give it to me. I used to find myself just waiting for the next stage in life to feel fulfilled. You know.... "When I get a husband....then I'll be happy"... God has spoken to me through this bible study I am doing, and He has said, "Danielle... why wait!! Feel fulfilled now!" My time will come, and this stage of my life will be over soon enough, but I don't want to look back and think, "Wow, that was really great, I wish I would have appreciated it while I had it." God's plan is so great. I am at the edge of my seat, so excited about what is in store for me, and while on the journey I am enjoying to the fullest what he is giving me now.
So for now I cling to Micah 7:7
But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME.
Today I want to praise God for his answered prayers. He has blessed me with peace and hope and fulfilled my faith in him. I no longer sit around wondering if my life will turn out ok. I KNOW it will because it already is, and He isn't stopping now.
Yesterday I gave up saying anything negative about anyone else. I had to really pray to God to carry me through on that one. Today I am going to give up any type of secular music. I am going to praise God all day, and I will especially praise him through music that lifts up his name in honor and glory!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Day 2 (6-15-2011)
Yesterday morning I wrote my first entry in what I hope will be a year long journey watching God's ability and perfect plan play out in my life. It is funny though, how satan whispers lies in my ear. As soon as I posted yesterday I immediately began feeling so many insecurities.
What if someone reads it, and they don't like it?
What if someone comments and criticizes me?
What if someone I know reads it and knows what kind of person I have been and thinks I am a hypocrite?
What if what I say offends someone who doesn't believe the same things I do?
And then I stopped, and I prayed that God would give me a peace about this. As I was praying thoughts began to flood my mind, and I was ashamed of some of the things I let my mind think.
I have been doing an amazing bible study that has been perfect for me and where I am in my spiritual life right now.
What if someone reads it, and they don't like it?
What if someone comments and criticizes me?
What if someone I know reads it and knows what kind of person I have been and thinks I am a hypocrite?
What if what I say offends someone who doesn't believe the same things I do?
And then I stopped, and I prayed that God would give me a peace about this. As I was praying thoughts began to flood my mind, and I was ashamed of some of the things I let my mind think.
I have been doing an amazing bible study that has been perfect for me and where I am in my spiritual life right now.
Faithful, Abundant, True
Going Deeper Still
It has been such a blessing!! Today the study focused on "Fixing" our eyes on God. It was what I totally needed. I had spent all day yesterday worrying about what other people might think, and God spoke to me and said,
"Danielle!!! I wanted you to reflect daily on your walk with me for YOUR benefit! Quit worrying about anybody else. This is about our relationship. Focus on me."
My insecurities and thoughts completely coincide with how our country handles pressing issues. We are a nation so worried about being politically correct that we are scared to stand up for what we think is right because it might "offend" someone. I find myself holding back and purposely not talking about my relationship with God because I am afraid of what people might say, think, or feel about it. I am careful not to say what I think about same sex marriage because it might insult someone or even worse, someone might call me intolerant, self-righteous, or judgemental. I have tiptoed around so many controversial, worldly issues that I have found myself conforming to them. I am ashamed to say that because my focus has been on what other people might think, that I have become indifferent. I have found myself accepting things of this world because its easier than actually standing up for what I know is right and not being afraid of what someone else might think.
John 15:4-5, 7-8
4 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you main in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
7 "IF you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it willbe given you. 8 This it to my Father's golry, that you bear much fruit, SHOWING yourselves to be my disciples."
I have not been fruitful. I have focused on my own wants and asked God to form his will around it. I have been selfish and unwilling to "show" myself as one of God's disciples because I thought I could have an awesome relationship with God in secret... you know... so as not to "offend" anyone. But God is calling me to make it known, and the more I diligently seek him, the more I want to tell everyone.
Today I want to praise God for my job. I am so lucky to work for Godly people who are not afraid to live a life that "SHOWS" what they believe and stand for.
Today I am going to give up saying anything negative about someone else. (Yesterday I gave up facebook, and that was difficult... today's....well... it might take me a few days to nail this one.)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Day 1 (6-14-2011)
As a christian, I haven't been living the way I should. I have recently experienced things in my life that have brought me closer to God than I have ever been. It is usually during the low points in life when we, as christians, truly seek God. I have had no other choice. I have tried to ignore God long enough, and my life has reflected that, so I started reading my bible. And as I have grown closer and allowed God the opportunity to work in my life, he has done exactly that. I was praying the other night that he would show me his will. That he would somehow prove himself to me (which I realize is probably not what I should be praying). But as a human I needed physical evidence, my faith is weak, and I needed reassurance. It was after that prayer that I felt an overwhelming need to start reflecting everyday how God is working in my life. With computers being so accessible, I decided to blog. Everyday for one year. If you are reading this that is perfectly fine, but these entries are written for me as a way to see God's ablity to work in my life more abundantly than I have ever given him credit for. I also feel like blogging will hold me accountable. So here goes....
As christains God calls us to be set apart, the salt of the earth, a light in a dark place, however, sometimes it takes "hard times" to remember what we are supposed to be doing. It takes struggles and heart ache to cling tightly to God and focus our eyes on what is most important. I am a christian but sadly my daily walk hasn't really shown it. I have relied on my own abilities, which is why I have ended up where I am. I have decided what I wanted without even considering what God has planned for me. My prayers have been dishonest and unwilling to listen. Instead of praying for God's will, I have insisted and begged him to just mold his will around what I want. I am 24. I am living with my parents while I finish graduate school, and I am single. With the social pressures of today's society I have found myself desperate for a husband, feeling like a failure, and wondering when it will be my time. About a year and a half ago I met a man who quickly turned into who I thought would be my husband. I was ecstatic and ready to plan a wedding. I look back now and realize I fell in love with an idea of the "happily ever after." I never asked God. I had picked what I wanted, and that was that. As that relationship began to fall apart, I desperately clung to what I thought was my only chance for the life every girl dreams about. But now I know that satan lies and brings us down and although that man was a good man, he wasn't who God had planned for me, and I had to learn the heart breaking hard way. Before I decided to cling to God in everything I do, I would often feel as though I was a failure, hopeless, desperate, scared, worried, anxious and defeated. But in just a short time of being truly diligent in reading God's word and praying to him without seasing, I am reminded of his promises, and I know he is going to fulfill them in my life.
2 Timothy 1:7 says:
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind.
Fear is not of God, so I can only assume that I am in the midst of a spiritual warfare over the thoughts that I allow to stay in my mind. Satan knows I am vulnerable, and he is determined that I will be anxious and nervous and fearful, but I know God's promises, and I know he does not want me to fear. He wants me to praise him and have faith that he will fulfill his perfect will in my life.
John 10:10 says:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
I can rest easy knowing God wants me to live abundantly. He wants me to have faith that he is ABLE!!! He will not leave me, and I just have to continue to diligently cling to him in every aspect of my life.
Today I have been praying this prayer:
Ephesians 3:14-21
14 For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, 18 may have the power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurabley more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generation, for ever and ever! AMEN!
I say this prayer and replace "you" with "me". I know this to be truth, and I have faith that God will fulfill his promises.
It hasn't even been a week since we broke up, but I can tell that God is granting me the peace and solace that I have been praying for. I am sad, but I am often distracted from that sadness due to the overwhelming excitement for what I know God has in store for me. I have to praise God for my mom. She is an amazingly wise woman who has prayed for me and my future since she found out I was in her belly. She keeps telling me that God will "put my dreams to shame." Her faith has been such an encouragement to me, and I know that I have so much to look forward to.
Everyday I am going to give up one thing for God. Today I am not going to check my facebook. I spend too much time on it anyway.
As christains God calls us to be set apart, the salt of the earth, a light in a dark place, however, sometimes it takes "hard times" to remember what we are supposed to be doing. It takes struggles and heart ache to cling tightly to God and focus our eyes on what is most important. I am a christian but sadly my daily walk hasn't really shown it. I have relied on my own abilities, which is why I have ended up where I am. I have decided what I wanted without even considering what God has planned for me. My prayers have been dishonest and unwilling to listen. Instead of praying for God's will, I have insisted and begged him to just mold his will around what I want. I am 24. I am living with my parents while I finish graduate school, and I am single. With the social pressures of today's society I have found myself desperate for a husband, feeling like a failure, and wondering when it will be my time. About a year and a half ago I met a man who quickly turned into who I thought would be my husband. I was ecstatic and ready to plan a wedding. I look back now and realize I fell in love with an idea of the "happily ever after." I never asked God. I had picked what I wanted, and that was that. As that relationship began to fall apart, I desperately clung to what I thought was my only chance for the life every girl dreams about. But now I know that satan lies and brings us down and although that man was a good man, he wasn't who God had planned for me, and I had to learn the heart breaking hard way. Before I decided to cling to God in everything I do, I would often feel as though I was a failure, hopeless, desperate, scared, worried, anxious and defeated. But in just a short time of being truly diligent in reading God's word and praying to him without seasing, I am reminded of his promises, and I know he is going to fulfill them in my life.
2 Timothy 1:7 says:
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind.
Fear is not of God, so I can only assume that I am in the midst of a spiritual warfare over the thoughts that I allow to stay in my mind. Satan knows I am vulnerable, and he is determined that I will be anxious and nervous and fearful, but I know God's promises, and I know he does not want me to fear. He wants me to praise him and have faith that he will fulfill his perfect will in my life.
John 10:10 says:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
I can rest easy knowing God wants me to live abundantly. He wants me to have faith that he is ABLE!!! He will not leave me, and I just have to continue to diligently cling to him in every aspect of my life.
Today I have been praying this prayer:
Ephesians 3:14-21
14 For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, 18 may have the power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurabley more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generation, for ever and ever! AMEN!
I say this prayer and replace "you" with "me". I know this to be truth, and I have faith that God will fulfill his promises.
It hasn't even been a week since we broke up, but I can tell that God is granting me the peace and solace that I have been praying for. I am sad, but I am often distracted from that sadness due to the overwhelming excitement for what I know God has in store for me. I have to praise God for my mom. She is an amazingly wise woman who has prayed for me and my future since she found out I was in her belly. She keeps telling me that God will "put my dreams to shame." Her faith has been such an encouragement to me, and I know that I have so much to look forward to.
Everyday I am going to give up one thing for God. Today I am not going to check my facebook. I spend too much time on it anyway.
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